@QueefTornado

Watching a birth is beautiful.

Not knowing any of the parties in the delivery room & singing Salt-N-Pepa’s “Push It” will get you arrested.

@QueefTornado

She died doing what she loved best, making toast in the bathtub.

@QueefTornado

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Except marriage, marriage will kill you.

@QueefTornado

Wife was feeling kinky last night so she got naked and I tied her to the headboard, then me and my buddy ordered pizza and played X-Box.

@QueefTornado

I like my women like I like my golf scores, in the 80’s with a slight handicap.

@QueefTornado

“I’m tired of you pushing me around and talking behind my back.”

—-people in wheelchairs probably

@QueefTornado

Me: This chicken is undercooked.

Wife: You don’t appreciate my cooking.

Me: I think the vet could save it if it we took it right now.