@QwertyJones3: Me: *eating ice cream straight from the carton* It's just easier this way.
Supermarket Manager: You're fired.
@QwertyJones3: FRIEND: My kid was mvp of his basketball team.
ME: My kid misses when he tries to high-5
@QwertyJones3: GUY: Ugh this rice crispy treat is disgusting!
ME: There you go sweetie, it takes 23 oz of sawdust before people won't eat them anymore.
DAUGHTER: This is going to be the best science fair ever!
@QwertyJones3: Mugger: give me everything you got
Spice Girls: Oh tell me what you want what you really really want
Mugger: ok nevermind