Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of QwertyJones3's best tweets

@QwertyJones3 : "Ok, we're naming our band after the next thing that happens"

*Adam busts in* Guys, you won't BELIEVE how many crows are outside rn

@QwertyJones3: "I know how to make an entrance."

-guy who builds doors

@QwertyJones3: Arkansas was named when a pirate tried to spell Kansas

@QwertyJones3: Me: *eating ice cream straight from the carton* It's just easier this way.

Supermarket Manager: You're fired.

@QwertyJones3: FRIEND: My kid was mvp of his basketball team.

ME: My kid misses when he tries to high-5

@QwertyJones3: GUY: Ugh this rice crispy treat is disgusting!

ME: There you go sweetie, it takes 23 oz of sawdust before people won't eat them anymore.

DAUGHTER: This is going to be the best science fair ever!

@QwertyJones3: Mugger: give me everything you got

Spice Girls: Oh tell me what you want what you really really want

Mugger: ok nevermind

@QwertyJones3: How pale and flabby do I have to be before I am legally a jellyfish?