@R0ckG0d88

A gag order but for people that go “ahhhh” after every sip of coffee.

@R0ckG0d88

A house spider is just a regular spider except it walks with a limp and has a pill habit.

@R0ckG0d88

Fairly certain this toddler staring at me across this waiting room wants to start some shit.

@R0ckG0d88

My dog can’t hear me when I yell at him to stop chewing on my flip flop but he can hear the crinkle of the Dorito bag from 3 counties over.

@R0ckG0d88

If Target didn’t want anyone singing “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun” into a hairbrush they shouldn’t have it playing over the store intercom.

@R0ckG0d88

Damn girl, are you an appendix because I have no idea what you do but this weird feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.