me, angry: I’m LEAVING-

doorknob: nope *catches purse strap*


husband: *enters house w/ buckets of water*

me: what’s with all the water

him: you know FULL WELL


[in high school]

me: that’s the guy I like…

friend, speaking super loud: YOU MEAN BRIAN-



me: can you tell me what’s wrong with my car?

techician: sure..I’ll take a look

[later, ]

technician: it’s not too bad..

me: thank god..what is it?

technician: eh..just shit in the cylinders

me, completely clueless about cars: wow…how frequently should I do that?