@RachelNoise

If women had written the Bible, snoring would be considered a deviant behavior and/or manifestation of evil.

@RachelNoise

If bugs tell each other scary stories, the one who landed in the wax of my candle just became a marshmallow pumpkin scented, urban legend.

@RachelNoise

I see you posted a photo of the song playing on your car radio. I can relate because my car also has a radio and plays songs.

@RachelNoise

By the time you reach 45, everyone becomes an expert orthopedist. “It hurts where? Yeah, that’s your medial hip flexor tendon maximus. I had that last year.”

@RachelNoise

Me: *buys a blue chair online*

Internet: check out these 16 similar blue chairs since you obv collect blue chairs

@RachelNoise

The person who named the Sea of Tranquility on the Moon had to be a realtor.

@RachelNoise

A lot of people think my handle is my actual name but it isn’t. My real name is Rachel Onomatopoeia.

@RachelNoise

This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize I’m not out of his league.

@RachelNoise

Based upon recent baking experience I have concluded that a loaf of bread should cost $75.