If women had written the Bible, snoring would be considered a deviant behavior and/or manifestation of evil.
If bugs tell each other scary stories, the one who landed in the wax of my candle just became a marshmallow pumpkin scented, urban legend.
I see you posted a photo of the song playing on your car radio. I can relate because my car also has a radio and plays songs.
“Would you rather be right or—“
By the time you reach 45, everyone becomes an expert orthopedist. “It hurts where? Yeah, that’s your medial hip flexor tendon maximus. I had that last year.”
Me: *buys a blue chair online*
Internet: check out these 16 similar blue chairs since you obv collect blue chairs
The person who named the Sea of Tranquility on the Moon had to be a realtor.
A lot of people think my handle is my actual name but it isn’t. My real name is Rachel Onomatopoeia.
This needs to be over soon because my husband is starting to realize I’m not out of his league.
Based upon recent baking experience I have concluded that a loaf of bread should cost $75.