The worst part of having to kiss someone is when the coffin lid falls and hits you in the head.
Some people are down to earth while others are not quite far down enough.
You know what’s sad? 3 of my team members dying of drinking poison and the last dying of a fractured neck because he didn’t drink the poison
I told my BF I dreamt he got me a ring for my birthday. Later, I found a wrapped box from him, with a book entitled “the meaning of dreams”.
My crush said we can’t be together because he’s seeing another woman so I asked him to rub his eyes and check if I still look different.
Too many TV ads about how you can remove blood stains off clothes with detergents & none about how you can hide the body? Where’s the logic?
A truck with the slogan “We always go the extra mile” took the last parking spot so I wrote on it “because we missed the exit” as a revenge.
My Mother asked me to suggest names for my brother’s prospective children. I said I’ll name the girl ‘Denise’ and the boy ‘Denephew’.
If you watch Jaws backwards, it’s about a shark with gastritis that keeps throwing up people until they all have fun on the beach.
You think your spouse loves you?Put them & a dog in the trunk of the car for a day. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you?