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Page of recursivetaco's best tweets

@recursivetaco : [getting a ride home]

Me: ok keep going straight here

Train engineer: stop saying that

@recursivetaco: Me: *throwing popcorn to our toddler like a pigeon*
Wife: Stop that! Do you want more to show up?!

@recursivetaco: Turns out that “no tear” shampoo doesn’t stop your kid if they’re already crying.

@RecursiveTaco: Priest: The power of Christ compels you! I cast you out! Unclean spirit!

Me: Wait, stop! Some of these are load-bearing demons.

@RecursiveTaco: Recipe: leave the onions to sweat for 10 minutes

Me, to the onions: we need to have a talk when I get back

@RecursiveTaco: My dog learned how to open our sliding door and my toddler learned how to open the baby gate, so if anyone sees a toddler riding a dog those are mine.

@RecursiveTaco: Me: *seeing a used condom on my lawn* This is disgusting!

Neighbor: OMG STOP TASTING IT

@RecursiveTaco: Me: *throwing popcorn to our toddler like a pigeon*
Wife: Stop that! Do you want more to show up?!