Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Page of RedRegenerated's best tweets

@RedRegenerated : ME: *scattering remains* He loved this park. PARK RANGER: But...but he hasn't been cremated! ME: *lowering axe* Cremated?

@RedRegenerated: [Dinner party]

ME: *holding a plate of empty shells* Boy, those oysters were filling.

HOST: MY TURTLES!

@RedRegenerated: WIFE: Stop taking things the wrong way.

ME: [swallows suppository]

@RedRegenerated: SHERLOCK: Is that mud on your shoe?

WATSON: No, shit Sherlock.

@RedRegenerated: ME: I'd like to buy some underwear.

CLERK: Satin?

ME: No, new please.