If I am wearing red lipstick you can be sure I have one thing on my mind..
I hope I don’t have any on my teeth.
Officer, I swear there is a simple explanation..
~me standing in the street with no pants, one sock and a turkey baster in my hand
Him: Do you swallow?
Me: Every time I chew.
New guy: I really like your name
Me: Thanks I got it for my birthday
Him: What’s your cup size?