A few summers ago I stopped at some kids’ lemonade stand. As I took a sip, the youngest boy stuck his whole arm in the pitcher and stirred.
Guy on the plane threw a fit about sitting next to my Therapy Scorpion
A shoemaker called yesterday and yelled at me because I hadn’t picked up the boots he repaired. It’s been one week. He said they’ve been there since October. (They haven’t.) I said, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” He said he yelled at all his customers.
Sorry I chased you three city blocks but I wanted to meet your dog
“Yes, I’m here. I really need you to be more specific. I know a lot of Margarets.”
NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored
Just pushed my cat’s paperwork off his desk.
“I’m caught in a love hexagon.” – polygamists
Dingo: The dingo community is known for many other things
TV Host: What are cooking for us today?
Dingo: I’m making my famous baby coleslaw
“Please don’t do this.” – my voice mail greeting