Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

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Page of ReelQuinn's best tweets

@ReelQuinn : A few summers ago I stopped at some kids' lemonade stand. As I took a sip, the youngest boy stuck his whole arm in the pitcher and stirred.

@ReelQuinn: Guy on the plane threw a fit about sitting next to my Therapy Scorpion

@ReelQuinn: A shoemaker called yesterday and yelled at me because I hadn’t picked up the boots he repaired. It’s been one week. He said they’ve been there since October. (They haven’t.) I said, “WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?” He said he yelled at all his customers.

@ReelQuinn: Sorry I chased you three city blocks but I wanted to meet your dog

@ReelQuinn: "Yes, I'm here. I really need you to be more specific. I know a lot of Margarets."
-- God

@ReelQuinn: NAZI: I’m a Nazi
MEDIA: How controversial
NAZI: I said I was a Nazi
MEDIA: Your clothes are beautifully tailored

@ReelQuinn: Just pushed my cat’s paperwork off his desk.

@ReelQuinn: “I’m caught in a love hexagon.” - polygamists

@ReelQuinn: Dingo: The dingo community is known for many other things
TV Host: What are cooking for us today?
Dingo: I’m making my famous baby coleslaw

@ReelQuinn: "Please don't do this." - my voice mail greeting