Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

Follow us on Instagram. That's it, don't make us say cringy things like YouTubers say at the end of their videos. Click here to follow us

Page of Reverend_Scott's best tweets

@Reverend_Scott : DOG 911: what's ur emer-

DOG: A FURRY THING IS BEHIND ME

DOG 911: can you bite it?

DOG: I CAN'T SPIN FAST ENOUGH

DOG 911: OMG

DOG: OMG

@Reverend_Scott: [Chris Hemsworth posts 85 videos of him working out hard, eating right, and looking amazing]

Me: must be good genetics

@Reverend_Scott: LUKE: daddy, what's my name from?

ME: it's from the bible

CHEWBACCA: and mine?

ME: umm [sweating] also the bible

@Reverend_Scott: when the cashier tells me my total, I always say, "that was a great year". depending on how they react to totals like $16.92 or $34.20 tells me if they're a time traveler or not.

@Reverend_Scott: Me: got the Infinity Gauntlet from Thanos

Iron Man: snap and bring everyone back

Me: [turning things into puppies] hold on

@Reverend_Scott: Doctor: I have bad news

Me: oh no

Doctor: I just lost a ton gambling

Me: whew, I thought I was dying-

Doctor: I bet you weren't dying

@Reverend_Scott: GOD: This one is a giraffe.

ANGEL: That's a long neck. They must make loud noises-

GOD: They have no vocal chords.

ANGEL: Dude... come on

@Reverend_Scott: DAD: please help find my daughter

DETECTIVE: what does she look like

DAD: [scrolling thru 9,674 selfies of her with snapchat filters] I D... I DON'T KNOW

@Reverend_Scott: It never fricken fails; I wash my car, and the very next day, I hit a pedestrian.

@Reverend_Scott: Nurse: how's that helping his heart?

Surgeon: [stitching clock into patient's chest] IT HEALS ALL WOUNDS KAREN