“PARTY FOWL” someone yelled as the drunk duck did another keg stand
[Paranormal Investigator shows up at Disney World]
Ok, show me this so-called “haunted mansion”
Cop: Know why I stopped u?
“Cuz im going too fast?”
Cop: Yes, slow down.
“But it’s been 6 months-”
Cop: U can’t move in with her yet.
[kisses daughter goodnight]
“Daddy, where do babies come from?”
Um, the Stork.
[stork knocks on bedroom window] He’s lying.
“I’m soooo tired!”
[lays down in bed]
“I’m soooo comfortable!”
Bladder: Sup bro
Kylo Ren was more powerful with his helmet on. With it off, he had to use a majority of his power to maintain his hair’s body and bounce.
Dr: He has a lot of blockage
“So my Dad has a bad heart?”
Dr: He also donates to charity
“So he has a good heart?”
Dr: Ya, it evens out
Dog Mechanic: The repair is gonna take longer than expected.
Dog Mechanic: The clutch is worn out, also because I am a dog.
If I really wanted to end my life I’d probably do it by wearing a Star Trek uniform to the Star Wars Force Awakens premier.
Dinosaur 911: what’s ur emergency
Dinosaur: A FIREBALL IN THE SKY IS FLYIN AT US
Dinosaur 911: is it the sun
Dinosaur: haha probably. bye