[dies and goes to hell]
Satan: oh, there seems to have been a big mistake
Me: oh thank god-
Satan: you should be in super hell
Me: oh no
Angel: how will humans start out?
God: small and helpless
Angel: how will they end up?
God: big and helpless
Angel: in between?
God: totally clueless
Angel: what is your deal man?
Date: I like bad boys, and sensitive guys
Me: [slowly uncovers Golden Girls tattoo]
[God creating cats]
God: people will wanna hug ’em, but they usually won’t want you to
Cop: Know how fast you were going?
Me: obviously, I have a speedometer
Cop: I know that
Me: then why did you ask?
Cop: [looking down moving toe around in the dirt] I just wanted to talk
God: this pie is outstanding. where’d you get the apples?
Eve: ok promise you won’t get mad
Wife: our friends won’t call us back cuz they’re sick of your conspiracy theories and seafood puns
Me: maybe they were all abducted by UFOs, seems awfully fishy to me
Angel: you can’t be finished
God: I am
Angel: but that’s a hairless cat-
God: aaand send
ME: Don’t let her know you’re a teacher
HER: [eats mint from purse] So, w-
ME: I HOPE YOU BROUGHT ENOUGH FOR THE WHOLE CLASS
[God creating bears]
God: people will wanna hug ’em, but you really shouldn’t