@Rica_Bee

It’s never been safer to eat the rich, at least you know they’re getting tested regularly

@Rica_Bee

I think the least the government could do right now is cancel calories, do they even understand how much cheese is needed daily to eat one’s feelings

@Rica_Bee

me before coffee: ugh why is everyone shouting

me after coffee: okay yes I do see the fire now

@Rica_Bee

[first day as a juror] *applying lipstick* which way is the hung jury

@Rica_Bee

this girl I went to college with got super hot and married a rich guy and lives overseas and doesn’t work and does triathlons for fun BUT her fitness insta only has 200 followers and I have 8,000 on Twitter just by being lazy and depressed so, in your face Mandy who’s winning now

@Rica_Bee

me: hit me, daddy

poker dealer: don’t call me that

@Rica_Bee

Him: I think we should see other people

Me: *eating a cheese ball like an apple* why

@Rica_Bee

[checking into a hotel]

Front desk employee: Thank you ma’am, we’ll make up a room for you right away

Me: aren’t… aren’t there real rooms here

@Rica_Bee

Netflix: (every 45 seconds) aRe YoU StiLL wAtcHiNg ???

Netflix when you fall asleep on the couch: *somehow plays 18 episodes in a row*