I’d to make a few comments about my late wife. We have plenty of time since she won’t be here for at least an hour.
Friend: “Any reaction to the vaccine?”
Rubbing alcohol is not as effective as drinking it.
I’ve made arrangements for my Twitter reply guy to deliver the rebuttal following my eulogy.
My New Year’s Resolution is to walk for an hour every day. By April I’ll be far enough away that my family will never find me.
Inside you are two wolves. One is dressed as your grandmother. The other is huffing & puffing & attempting to blow your house down.
I just saw Angelina Jolie’s ex walking one of Santa’s reindeer down a nude beach. A topless Dancer & a bottomless Pitt.
Ha ha I’m so lonely
It’s difficult having a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I can’t decide which to drink.
The pilgrims ate so much at the first Thanksgiving that they had to unbuckle their hats.
Mr. Peanut’s funeral will be open-casket in a sense. His coffin is ajar.