@RickAaron

I’d to make a few comments about my late wife. We have plenty of time since she won’t be here for at least an hour.

@RickAaron

Friend: “Any reaction to the vaccine?”
Me: “Ow.”

@RickAaron

I’ve made arrangements for my Twitter reply guy to deliver the rebuttal following my eulogy.

@RickAaron

My New Year’s Resolution is to walk for an hour every day. By April I’ll be far enough away that my family will never find me.

@RickAaron

Inside you are two wolves. One is dressed as your grandmother. The other is huffing & puffing & attempting to blow your house down.

@RickAaron

I just saw Angelina Jolie’s ex walking one of Santa’s reindeer down a nude beach. A topless Dancer & a bottomless Pitt.

Ha ha I’m so lonely

@RickAaron

It’s difficult having a 12 year old, a 10 year old and a 7 year old. I can’t decide which to drink.

@RickAaron

The pilgrims ate so much at the first Thanksgiving that they had to unbuckle their hats.

@RickAaron

Mr. Peanut’s funeral will be open-casket in a sense. His coffin is ajar.