Every fifteen minutes, a teenager crashes his car due to texting and driving. I hope he gives up, because he’s obviously not good at it.
The poorest man can be rich if he gets a bunch of money.
Paula Deen should create her own brand of butter called I Can’t Believe It’s Not 1860.
In an unexpected motion, Texas Republicans have voted to move midnight to 1am.
I just hope the government doesn’t have my Angry Birds scores. All in all they’re pretty embarassing.
If a woman asks you to guess her age, always subtract 10 years from your estimate. IMPORTANT: Do NOT do this if she’s in her early twenties.
Wait, you didn’t let me finish. What I was trying to say is Hitler was largely misunderstood by people who don’t speak German.
I think if a little girl wants to grow up and be a Tyrannosaurus Rex that’s totally fine, and science shouldn’t stop her.
Margaret Thatcher died?? And more importantly, Margaret Thatcher was still alive??!!
I asked my dog to marry me and he said no. I am stuck in man’s best friendzone.