Me: 911? My wife and I have been in an accident and
she hit the windshield!
911: How’s her head?
Me: Her sister’s better.
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
In a parallel universe nobody can park.
Shepherd’s wife: You always seem so happy dear.
Shepherd: I got ewe babe.
I’m not much on seizing the day, I just kinda poke it with a stick.
The boss accused me of taking a drink during lunch, but he is completely mistaken, I paid for all three of them.
Her: Put your finger on it!
Me: Like this?
Her: Oh yeah, I can finish now!
-Making the perfect bow
I used to think paramedics were ghost doctors.
I’m already getting into the Thanksgiving spirit, I’ve given the bird to lots of people today.
My boss accused me of sticking my finger in his BD cake in the break room fridge, but he is completely wrong, it wasn’t my finger.