If ever you’re feeling down, and I can’t be there to do it in person, just imagine me awkwardly patting your shoulder & looking at my watch.
I can’t love you. I’m still in love with a girl I saw in a toothpaste ad 15 yrs ago. She winced when she ate ice cream, I can’t abandon her.
To the first designer to make skirts so tight that a slit had to be added to the back: Good job.
Flip flop guy: Go stand in the corner.
My yard is full of bear traps cos I’m a bit weird about sharing milkshake.