I’m a bound and determined person and I like to get things done but as I’ve gotten older I’ve found that I can pay others to do it while I take a nap.
The monster under my bed sleeps with one leg out from under the blankets too.
After all the tasty socks my washer has decided to have masks for dessert.
Nothing brings a large group of neighbors together like something that’s none of their business.
I can be very helpful at the store, a lady had the fixings for pasta in her cart so I threw in some garlic bread because I knew she’d forgotten, I mean what psycho doesn’t eat garlic bread with pasta.
The best text messages are those that contain a warning that they are going to stop by your house, that way you know not to answer the door.
If you ring my doorbell I’ll look through the camera, if you don’t have a pizza or donut box I’m not opening the door.
I don’t know why people get offended if they’re called non-essential, that just means more time to eat bacon.
I PowerWashed the scale this morning because it kept calling me dirty names, like fat.
I think my wife has been messing with me, my present this year was two socks that had been missing from the laundry.