@RxitWounds: [Auto-shop class]
"Cody, for the last time, it's still a carburetor even when it's in a van"
"Or a truck"
@RxitWounds: [Brings date home]
O geez did I leave all my rare, holographic Pokemon cards out on my bed again? Guess we'll just have to lay here & battle
@RxitWounds: Permission to use your hammer, your honor
It's a gavel
Permission to use your gavel
*looks longingly at pile of walnuts & sighs*
Dude open the door!
*barricading* How do i know you're not 1 of them?! Were you bit?!
What?! Do you not know what a hurricane is?
@RxitWounds: OPEN UP THIS IS THE COPS
What's the magic word?
[Cut to them back at the station writing on a chalkboard with dozens of words crossed off]
@RxitWounds: *Power goes out*
Wife: I can't see!
*Shoes light up*
Me: Ha! Whose shoes were "a waste of money" & "clearly meant for a large child" now?!
@RxitWounds: Objection your honor! He's badgering the witness lmao
*Courtroom erupts in laughter*
Badger: Ok seriously I'm a lawyer and deserve respect
@RxitWounds: *Sits straight up in bed*
*Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*
@RxitWounds: Is this your 1st video conference call?
*Takes HUGE bong rip*
*Holding it in* umm no
So you're aware we can see you?
*Cough* what *cough*