My cousin is 3 months pregnant and my really old uncle keeps commenting on her pics “woah. any day now, Bernice” and I’m literally crying laughing
Guy: I like a girl who’s good with money
Me: the city will bury you for FREE if they can’t identify your body
Guy: I like when a girl has curves
Me, taking off my Spanx: behold
[at SunMaid farms with a guy]
Guy: so is this a date?
Girl:… No? These are raisins