Stop blaming politicians and start blaming the fortune tellers. They knew, and they did nothing.
Does it sound ridiculous? Yes. Did I get a sports injury from eating too many tacos? Also yes.
I’m sorry I commented “beautiful horse” on your wedding photo.
I’m sorry that your Facebook personality quiz matched you up with a rice cake.
I’m always amazed at how eating 2lbs of chocolate can make you gain 47lbs.
I’ve dated a guy who collected stained glass and wore bowling gloves so don’t talk to me about standards.
My Fitbit is just a wristband that says “keep walking”.
Nothing confuses me more than a straight up street thug with braces.
My spirit animal is a cockroach because I refuse to give up and die.
Also I’m sorta crunchy.
I love going to the gym this time of year because I’m a perfect example of what years of neglect and nachos can do to a body.