@samuelhlowe

Chasing a Pringles can down a slope is the closest I’ve ever been to hunting my own food.

@samuelhlowe

-Do you take drugs?
-No.
-Ever tried them?
-Never.
-You seem very nervous.
-I’m just not used to being questioned by a unicorn.

@samuelhlowe

If your name is spelled Duhniayle, don’t hate me when I mispronounce it.

Hate your parents & their ridiculous spelling decisions.

@samuelhlowe

The best way to return any clothing left at your place is to do a drive-by with a t-shirt gun on her wedding day.