Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@SamuelHlowe : Oh my God! Honey, the baby just said "Dada!" Wait, why is he using air quotes?
@SamuelHlowe: Ugh! I always think of the best comebacks when I'm burying the body.
@SamuelHLowe: My trainer said with enough sacrificing I could get a 6-pack. He's full of shit & I have 4 dead goats & 17 decapitated chickens to prove it.
@SamuelHLowe: - 911,what's your emergency?
- I'm out of beer!
- That's no emergency.
- Chest pain?
- We'll send an ambulance.
- Make sure they bring beer.
@SamuelHLowe: How do you say "No, I'm full" in Grandmother?
@SamuelHLowe: Fencing proves that with enough rules even a sword fight can be boring as hell.
@SamuelHLowe: I wonder what my dog named me.
@SamuelHLowe: I have sychic powers. For example, right now you're thinking, "it's psychic."
@SamuelHLowe: Love is telling someone to go to hell and worrying about them getting there safely.
@SamuelHLowe: - What's your cell phone?
- No, I meant the number.
- It's a 6.
- No, to contact you.
- I don't use it for that.
There is only one rule, it should be funny, you can submit your own tweet or one you think is funny.
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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