Was just in an elevator with my ex, so I stopped at every floor to show him he was wrong on so many levels.
I may eat animals, but at least I wait until they’re DEAD.
Plants are ALIVE, vegans.
You disgust me.
Ironically, the Boogeyman was a terrible dancer.
Remember the bridge you drive over today was built by the lowest bidder.
My Twitter crush is 4,762-timing me!
I turned my phone onto “Airplane Mode” and threw it into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him
GOD, I hope he calls me.
When my ex worked out of town, he would take my vibrators away from me. Said I was cheating on him w/them. He shoulda taken his brother too.
After I orgasm, I yell “Aaaaand scene.” Then I push him off me, throw him his clothes while holding the door open& say “Ummm. We’ll call u.”
My boss just farted. I asked him if he was trying to get the condom out. He’s mad now.