Me: Come home soon baby, I’m dressed like Leia..
Him: So turned on, I am..
Me: If you show up dressed like Yoda it’s not happening
I know Aladdin can’t wish for more wishes, but why can’t he just wish for more genies?–My 5 year old and future lawyer, probably.
So I called up the Captain, please bring me my wine. He said: “ma’am, this is a cruise. Please don’t call me again if there’s no emergency”
The only way I’d be scared of a ghost is if one was coming at me wearing a fitted sheet that I thought I’d have to eventually fold.
Germ 1-OMG he dropped his pizza!
Germ 2-PIIZZZAAAA!!! Let’s get it!
Germ Capt.-Stand back! He still has one more second to pick it up.
If a guy tells you he makes 6 figures a year it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s rich. He could be a really lazy guy working at a toy factory.
Never date a chemist, they seduce you with their magnetism, only call you periodically, then one day: Boom! They Argon.