I have nothing in common with people who answer “how are you”, with “can’t complain.”
Thanks for dinner. My compliments to the can opener.
I’m a feminist until it’s time to choose workout music.
I’ve decided to try water tomorrow, I’m pretty excited.
You kids don’t even know! We had to write a full thank you letter every time grandma sent us TWO DOLLARS!
Can’t figure out if the neighbour’s baby is fussy or they bought a goat.
I’m having a shitty day, but then I remembered to shift my perspective, and I realized I’m also having a pretty crappy week.
Tomorrow’s goal is to double my water intake by having two sips.
If anyone needs to make a fake snowy winter wonderland, for a nominal fee I can come and exfoliate on your front lawn.
Him: I love you to the moon.
Me: And back?
Him: Shhh, let’s just get you to the moon.