Don’t ask me for advice I still don’t understand what a 3D printer is.
[Texting my 17 year old]
Me: how do I use tiktok?
Her: you don’t
The good thing about having a glass shower door is that you’ll be able to see when someone is about to Norman Bates you.
I purposely bought a small house so I could say “I’m sorry, I don’t have any room”
I’m stressed right now so I’m watching a show about the mafia to help me relax.
My five stages of waking up:
Masks hanging from the rearview mirror are the new fizzy dice.
“Well I guess I better get ready for work”
*gets out of bed*
“Ok I’m ready”
Boss: any comments?
Me: I wish I was drunk right now.
When I was kid the internet was called Encyclopedia Britannica