@SardonicTart

Don’t ask me for advice I still don’t understand what a 3D printer is.

@SardonicTart

[Texting my 17 year old]
Me: how do I use tiktok?
Her: you don’t

@SardonicTart

The good thing about having a glass shower door is that you’ll be able to see when someone is about to Norman Bates you.

@SardonicTart

I purposely bought a small house so I could say “I’m sorry, I don’t have any room”

@SardonicTart

I’m stressed right now so I’m watching a show about the mafia to help me relax.

@SardonicTart

My five stages of waking up:

1)Denial
2)Denial
3)Denial
4)Denial
5)Extreme hostility

@SardonicTart

“Well I guess I better get ready for work”

*gets out of bed*

“Ok I’m ready”

@SardonicTart

[In meeting]

Boss: any comments?
Me: I wish I was drunk right now.