@SardonicTart

“Well I guess I better get ready for work”

*gets out of bed*

“Ok I’m ready”

@SardonicTart

[In meeting]

Boss: any comments?
Me: I wish I was drunk right now.

@SardonicTart

*Vacuums for three minutes*

“Oh God I can’t keep up with this house”

@SardonicTart

Didn’t find a dead body on my hike again today this is starting to get frustrating.