One of these days I will remember I’m wearing a mask before trying to shove a straw in my mouth to drink something but today is not that day. Tomorrow is not looking good either.
No, officer, no one is being murdered. I just had to rinse the shampoo out of my child’s hair.
Kids are a great reminder that, when life knocks you down, you can’t stay down for long. No, because literally they’re going to ask you to make them a sandwich like right after.
No one cares how old your kid was when they were potty trained, Brenda.
I’m a successful adult, and no one has ever asked when I stopped shitting my pants.
No, officer, no one is being murdered. I just had to rinse the shampoo out of my child’s hair.
My parents, 2017:
“Put down your phone and hang out with your kids.”My parents, 1989:
“Shhh, not now, we’re watching TV.”
“Everything hurts and I’m always exhausted.”
WebMD: Parenthood
In marriage, there are two conversations:
The one you think you’re having and the one your husband hears.