Two things I will never understand the appeal of:
1) Open relationships
2) Hairless cats
Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant.
If god came down to earth, he’d have to take the form of Morgan Freeman. At this point, anything less would be disappointing.
I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!
Sometimes I think I’m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.
My mom always says “Alcohol is your enemy!”
Jesus says, “Thou shalt love thy enemy.”
Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren’t your pants. Give them back to your sister.
Question everything. Or should you?
They say milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business.
I emailed my ex-girlfriend “Are you still alive” and she emailed back “No” which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.