@Scdavis24

Two things I will never understand the appeal of:
1) Open relationships
2) Hairless cats

@Scdavis24

Tip Of the Day: You can easily avoid bruising your thigh by not staring at a female jogger and then walking into a fire hydrant.

@Scdavis24

If god came down to earth, he’d have to take the form of Morgan Freeman. At this point, anything less would be disappointing.

@Scdavis24

I just found a piece of pizza in my trash can. HOW DID THIS HAPPEN!! WHO WOULD DO SUCH A THING!!

@Scdavis24

Sometimes I think I’m a relatively smart person. Other times I put my shoes on before my pants and realize who I really am.

@Scdavis24

My mom always says “Alcohol is your enemy!”

Jesus says, “Thou shalt love thy enemy.”

@Scdavis24

Guys, if you have to point your toes to put your pants on, those aren’t your pants. Give them back to your sister.

@Scdavis24

They say milk is good for your teeth. You know what else is good for your teeth? Minding your own damn business.

@Scdavis24

I emailed my ex-girlfriend “Are you still alive” and she emailed back “No” which made me sad but also excited that they have email in hell.