@Scottzilla667

Her: So, what is your major?

Him: I study forensics.

Her: Dude, that’s just 10!

@Scottzilla667

I ran out of sterile gloves, so I’m just wearing boxing gloves when I go out.

@Scottzilla667

I asked my doctor if I’m healthy enough for sex and he told me I’m not even sexy enough for health.

@Scottzilla667

Who called it “unplugging the life support machine” and not “pulling the RIP cord”?

@Scottzilla667

Pro is good and con is bad, so they should rename the Constitution to Prostitutio-oh, never mind.

@Scottzilla667

[First day as Narrator]
Me: So, I just say the opposite of what the speaker said? I can handle that.
Narrator Trainer: But he could not.

@Scottzilla667

*puts “Baby on Board” sticker on car so people will think I’ve had the sex*