@SethMacFarlane

I wish I could explain to my cat that when I sneeze it doesn’t mean the world is ending.

@SethMacFarlane

Someone left a flyer on my windshield asking me to envision heaven, so I pictured a world where no one leaves flyers on my windshield.

@SethMacFarlane

Hey online media: “Comfortability” isn’t a word. The noun you’re looking for is “comfort.” And it doesn’t need you to give it a fancy hat.

@SethMacFarlane

Your baby has no idea that you threw him a 1st birthday party. All you did was inconvenience your friends.