@ShaeAaron

At my age, “getting lucky” means being able to find my car in the parking lot.

@ShaeAaron

The bills are washed, the dishes are paid, the laundry’s in the oven. I’m going to bed.

@ShaeAaron

My bra is off, my pajamas are on, my hair is up. I’m not sure if I’m going to bed, or to Walmart.

@ShaeAaron

“I’m sorry. I haven’t had sex for a very long time.” — and other things I say during the meeting to excuse my bad behavior.

@ShaeAaron

I just sent a text that says “we really need to talk” to everyone I know so nobody will bother me today.