@ShanaRose21

My cat constantly looks at me like I asked her to give me a ride to the airport.

@ShanaRose21

Imagine if Trump becomes President and we are invaded by aliens.

Alien: Take us to your leader.

America: *Looks ashamed* Are you sure?

@ShanaRose21

I have a bad habit of starting things and never finishing them.

Let’s all be thankful I’m not a surgeon.

@ShanaRose21

Telling someone “You are not alone” can be either extremely comforting or absolutely creepy depending on the context.

@ShanaRose21

Thank you automatic ice dispenser.

I was hoping to get either 2 or 675 ice cubes.

@ShanaRose21

I can never find my cars keys but I won’t forget that time you checked out another woman at the mall four years ago.

@ShanaRose21

Every time I use hand sanitizer I wonder about the 0.1% of bacteria that isn’t killed.

What the hell kind of scary shit is that?

@ShanaRose21

After reading some marriage tweets I’m beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person.

@ShanaRose21

The older I get, the more sympathize with Squidward’s anger.

@ShanaRose21

69 is the kamikaze of sex. If I’m going down, you’re coming with me.