Meiosis is still a better love story than Twilight.
Walked into the bathroom and it sounded like someone was powerlifting in one of the stalls. That, or an exorcism.
Password security questions be like: What’s your middle name? Why are you single? What’s wrong with your big toe?
I think the problem is that I’m 20% stud and 80% muffin.
Just overheard a guy say he was buying a MacBook so he doesn’t have to worry about the Ebola virus. What.
Why use words you don’t understand in your tweets? It just makes you look photosynthesis.