Due to my diabetic meds, I’ve lost significant weight everywhere except my face cheeks. I’m officially a squirrel.
I have a high forehead, which is pretty crap when you realise it had no grass
What if all this is just because the great game developer in the sky put us on autoplay?
Me: I’ve decided to start a salon from home.
Also me: Hair just everywhere
Colleague, commenting when the lockdown eventually lifts: oh you must’ve really missed the salon
Me, looking like I normally do:
First meeting working remotely.
My boss: turn the camera on please
Me: it’s broken
What. You’re wearing pants to work from home?
Me, taking applications for the Illuminati: oh, I never said I’d send the forms anywhere
Well. My dog’s not on Twitter. Obvs she’s smarter than me.
I like to wipe real slow now I know the real value of toilet paper
If it burns when you pee, you need to be eating less firewood.