Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@Shelts99 : If you've watched the scene in Platoon where he gets shot in the back 44 times.
You've pretty much seen my reaction to a wedding invite.
@Shelts99: All women want to be swept off their feet, until you push them into the sea.
Dating is hard!
@Shelts99: My wife wants me to make her scream in the bedroom.
The 32 lego pieces & 6 upturned plugs, I've strategically placed, should do the trick.
@Shelts99: You had me at 'I've had 8 vodkas & I hate my boyfriend'
@Shelts99: I may have hit rock bottom, but the upside of being down here, is I can see up all of your skirts.
As you were.
@Shelts99: Neighbour:How's the wife?
Me:No, she's on fire, just going for more wood
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FunnyTweeter.com is a daily updated collection of funniest tweets from all over the world. We did not write these tweets, all credit goes to the original authors, follow them and encourage them to tweet more :)
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