@Shingaboop

Coworker: GOOD MORNING!

Me: Don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee

Coworker: But you don’t drink coffee

Me: Exactly

@Shingaboop

Look UPS guy, you can’t just show up at someone’s house unannounced and expect them to have pants on.

@Shingaboop

Boss: Are you high?

Me: You and I both know that I don’t make enough money to have a drug habit.