Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets
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@ShittyComedian : Don't you hate it when you're so high on drugs that simple, everyday, mundane tasks become difficult? Anyway, I pissed on your sofa.
@ShittyComedian: I'm great at making pancakes and women uncomfortable.
@ShittyComedian: I was having sex with this woman for 10 minutes before I realized it was a man, and then for like 20 minutes after.
@ShittyComedian: No officer the joke's on you. That breathalyzer will never tell you how much acid I dropped tonight.
@ShittyComedian: When you said coke I assumed you meant cocaine. No thank you. Soda is bad for you.
@ShittyComedian: My drug of choice is laughter....and cocaine. Mostly cocaine. Sometimes angel dust. Molly is cool too. RT if you love Jesus.