@Shock_Monster

Nurse: It’s just a little prick..

Me: That’s what my gf said!

N: Ha

M: Haha

N: HAHA

M: HAHAHA!

N: You don’t have a gf, do you?

M: No.

@Shock_Monster

Anyone that says there are no stupid questions has never had to explain to a 5 year old why there are no pink bananas 267 times today.

@Shock_Monster

How To Get Rich:

1. Place a Swear Jar next to Samuel L Jackson.

2. Empty it the next day.

3. Become a millionaire.

@Shock_Monster

Hostess: Table for one?

Me: More like TABLE FOR FUN, AMIRITE?

Hostess: …

Me: …

Hostess: …

Me: Yes, one please.

@Shock_Monster

Dance like no one is watching you while secretly videotaping to later be posted on YouTube so you become the latest worldwide laughing stock

@Shock_Monster

Her: I saw this Yoda pen & I thought of you.

Me: WHY? YOU THINK I’M 8 OR SOMETHING?

Her: No, sorry…

Me: Hey, hey, hey! Leave the pen.

@Shock_Monster

Her: I’m thinking of a number between 1 an-

Me: 69!

Her: …10.

Me:

Her:

Me: 6.9?