Funny Tweeter

Your daily dose of unadulterated funny tweets

We're redesigning Funny Tweeter. Your feedback is always welcome. Talk to us at @funTweeters

Page of ShoutingGoddess's best tweets

@ShoutingGoddess : Marriage is like a tattoo. You say it's for ever but we all know there are ways & means of ditching it. It'll just be painful and expensive.

@ShoutingGoddess: Psst. Don't refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your 'team of writers'.

@ShoutingGoddess: You hurt the feelings of a person who was once the crush of a person who was once a friend of mine so you're a BAD person.

~ internet logic

@ShoutingGoddess: 'Failed to send tweet,' is Twitter's polite way of saying, 'Dude..'

@ShoutingGoddess: If I yawn, and the person talking says, 'Sorry for boring you', I graciously accept their apology.

Because, manners.

@ShoutingGoddess: I've done a few things I've been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.

@ShoutingGoddess: Nobody can negotiate like a 4 year old told he has 2 minutes til bed.

@ShoutingGoddess: There is a 'you can kill them if you catch them within a minute' rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that.

*sharpening knife*