Marriage is like a tattoo. You say it’s for ever but we all know there are ways & means of ditching it. It’ll just be painful and expensive.
Psst. Don’t refer to them as voices in your head. Do as the professionals and call them your ‘team of writers’.
You hurt the feelings of a person who was once the crush of a person who was once a friend of mine so you’re a BAD person.
~ internet logic
‘Failed to send tweet,’ is Twitter’s polite way of saying, ‘Dude..’
If I yawn, and the person talking says, ‘Sorry for boring you’, I graciously accept their apology.
And the Lord said, ‘Let there be idiots.’
I’ve done a few things I’ve been ashamed of, but at least I never played FarmVille.
I see your choices and raise you one eyebrow.
Nobody can negotiate like a 4 year old told he has 2 minutes til bed.
There is a ‘you can kill them if you catch them within a minute’ rule on people who wake you up. EVERYONE knows that.