Funny Tweeter

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Page of Shut_up_Marissa's best tweets

@Shut_up_Marissa : Whenever I’m at home drinking alone with my dog, I tell people I’m drinking with my dawg, so it sounds like I’m drinking with my cool friend

@Shut_up_Marissa: I don't mean to brag, but I do all my own auto repairs.
*turns up volume*
SEE! THE RATTLING SOUND IS COMPLETELY GONE!

@Shut_up_Marissa: Me: I'm so tired.

Phone: Put me down and go to sleep.

Me and Phone: HAHAHAHAHA!

@Shut_up_Marissa: CW: How was your weekend?

*finds nearest object*
"Hello?"

CW: Are you talking to a stapler?

"I'm sorry, I have to take this."

@Shut_up_Marissa: In sign language, the story of my life can be told through a series of facepalms.