If you’ve seen one lion attack you’ve seen a maul
Whatever doesn’t kill you TRIED TO KILL YOU!
How much wood would Steve Winwood win if Steve Winwood could win wood?
The living can’t communicate with the dead, that’s just séance fiction
🎶 I’m a cat, boy / in a sealed box I hide / I’m Wanted / dead and alive!
– Bon Schröedi
Flowers bee like
Girl you got more red flags than a well played game of minesweeper
Venus and Serena are famous for being Tennis-y Williams
That old expression: “hold the phone!” doesn’t work anymore because everyone is already doing that
Shout out to my self-aware friends, you know who you are
JOCKEY: “Watch me whip”
HORSE: “Watch me neigh neigh”
HIPSTER COP: *into radio* “We’ve got a 13-88 in progress…it’s a pretty rare crime, you probably wouldn’t know it”
[kitchen]
“Please pass the bee-nut butte-”
*wife glares*
“-the honey”
I wrote ‘WILL YOU MARRY ME?’ on a balloon. However, before I could propose…
-I popped the question
Why is it called a ‘dad-bod’ and not a ‘father-figure’?