For once, I’d like to see an action movie where someone yells “WE’VE GOT COMPANY,” and then some nice neighbors come over and they have a lovely dinner party.
My cat is like a jealous lover. She’s like, “Let me smell you first before you touch me. Where have you been?”
Hideous was the unattractive Greek god of hiding.
My stint as an interpretive dance crossing guard didn’t last very long.
*Johnny Lawrence in the bedroom making passionate love to his woman, and sensei breaks down the door*
SWEEP THE LEG!!
Johnny: Can’t you just leave me alone, and what does that even mean right now?!
All I’m saying is that if your name is Shannon, and you name your daughter after yourself, you better name her Shannonagain.
If you break the rules, you can get ejected from a football game. If they make it like an ejection seat, so the player is just yeeted out of the stadium, THEN I’d watch football.
Cartman: Respect my
ME: *kneading the crap out of a box of Kleenex*
STORE CLERK: Excuse me, what are you doing?
ME: deep tissue massage
CLERK: *whispering into walkie talkie* security
Are 19th Century menstrual pads called period pieces?