@Skoog

me: see you later alligator

crocodile: [frustrated sigh]

@Skoog

satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF H-

me: wow you’re tall

satan: thanks?

me: how tall are you?

satan: i dunno like 6’6”, 6’11” with the horns?

me: [twirling hair] omg “with horns”! you are SO funny

@Skoog

shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob

scooby:

shaggy: scoob?

@Skoog

At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.

The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.

This is an absolute shit investment.

@Skoog

professor x: what’s your power?

me: i’m at 6%

professor x: oh yeah you can definitely use my charger

@Skoog

mom: you waste your money on stupid stuff

me: you’re right. btw how’s that panini press working out?

mom:

me: making a lot of paninis with that thing?

@Skoog

dog person: do you like dogs or cats

me: all pets are good 🙂

dog person: dogs or cats?

me: i like them in different ways

dog person: DOGS [holding a knife to my throat] OR CATS?

@Skoog

friend: you can kill ants with a magnifying glass

[later at thanksgiving dinner]

aunt: aww what are you doing with that magnifying glass?

me: i’m gonna beat you to death with it

@Skoog

Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again!

Stuart Little: please, i’m not who you think i am my name is stu-

Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef

@Skoog

saying “eat the rich”

-depressing
-been done
-makes people think you’re a cannibal

saying “ok boomer”

-fresh
-new
-hurtful to a generation that ruined the planet and economy