@Skoog: [scooby doo’s wife walks into the kitchen and slams a pile of legal documents onto the table. scooby looks up in shock]
@Skoog: dracula: you gotta stop
me: [after turning another vegan into a vampire] lmao but they get SO mad
@Skoog: [summoning the devil]
me: come to us!
satan: [rising from floor] who summons me?
mom: [comes in] hi honey i thought you and your friends might want some snacks and-
me: mom get out!
satan: susan is that you?
mom: oh my god! satey?
satan: unholy shit how long’s it been?
@Skoog: [devil's first day on the job]
human: so i get anything I want?
human: and all you want is my shoe?
devil: just the bottom part, but yes
@Skoog: [sitting in the front seat of an UberPool while a couple makes out hardcore in the back]
[at a red light, the driver and i suddenly lock eyes]
me: do ya wanna...?
uber driver: no
@Skoog: relationship tips:
- communicate your feelings
- make her feel pretty
- be spontaneous
- oh god she wants you to kill her ex
- is she still in love with him?
- no she loves you she told you she loves you
- kill her ex
- what the hell she’s gone
- was sara even her real name?
@Skoog: [naming god’s creations]
mammal 93: [waiting in line] i can’t wait to hang out with you on earth
insect 7: me neither. you’re my best friend
angel: next! insect 7, you are now an ant
insect 7: yay!
angel: mammal 93, you are now an anteater
mammal 93: ya- wait wut?
@Skoog: her: so we could have sex
her: or we could do the complex fight choreography you came up with
her: [sigh] i’ll get the katanas