me: see you later alligator
crocodile: [frustrated sigh]
satan: I HAVE COME TO TAKE YOU TO THE DEPTHS OF H-
me: wow you’re tall
me: how tall are you?
satan: i dunno like 6’6”, 6’11” with the horns?
me: [twirling hair] omg “with horns”! you are SO funny
shaggy: i can’t believe we ate all the chocolate scoob
At the end of Ratatouille, the food critic, Anton Ego, ends up funding a small bistro for Remy to cook in.
The avg lifespan for a rat (ie THE HEAD CHEF) is 1.8 years.
This is an absolute shit investment.
professor x: what’s your power?
me: i’m at 6%
professor x: oh yeah you can definitely use my charger
mom: you waste your money on stupid stuff
me: you’re right. btw how’s that panini press working out?
me: making a lot of paninis with that thing?
dog person: do you like dogs or cats
me: all pets are good 🙂
dog person: dogs or cats?
me: i like them in different ways
dog person: DOGS [holding a knife to my throat] OR CATS?
friend: you can kill ants with a magnifying glass
[later at thanksgiving dinner]
aunt: aww what are you doing with that magnifying glass?
me: i’m gonna beat you to death with it
Me: [throwing another failed entree onto the floor] make it again!
Stuart Little: please, i’m not who you think i am my name is stu-
Me: [grabbing him by his tiny shirt] make it again rat chef
saying “eat the rich”
-makes people think you’re a cannibal
saying “ok boomer”
-hurtful to a generation that ruined the planet and economy