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Page of Sleinso's best tweets

@Sleinso : [First date]

Her: I love parkour.

Me: *trying to impress* My ancestors were monkeys.

@Sleinso: Wife: I told you not to go near that raccoon.

Me: *bleeding excessively* Tim and I just signed a blood pact of friendship.

@Sleinso: In hell your pizza delivery guy is a snail.

@Sleinso: Do you wanna hold hands?

- me, about to be bitten by a raccoon.

@Sleinso: *Goes to local train station*
*Runs into platform 9¾*
*Head bangs against wall*
Family: What were you doing?
Me: *whispers* Pfft! Muggles.

@Sleinso: I am at my most drunk when I go from chat room to chat room yelling WHO STOLE MY POPTART!!