@Slims_Ramblings

I saw a picture of myself on a milk carton once but my new family was rich so I kept my mouth shut.

@Slims_Ramblings

Just listened to a conversation between 3 people under 18 and now I don’t know how my Mom or a stranger didn’t murder me as a teenager.

@Slims_Ramblings

“Hey look, there’s a deer frolicking in the woods over there!”

Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?

@Slims_Ramblings

Confidence should never be confused with arrogance.

Arrogance is spelled way differently.

@Slims_Ramblings

First Date:

“So, tell me something no one else knows about you.”

Well, my wife thinks I’m at the movies and you think I’m single.

@Slims_Ramblings

Officer: Do you know why I pulled you over?

Me: Because I didn’t see you first.