@SlipperySecret

Sorry I called you “sexy” and didn’t really mean it, but I was hungry and you were a mirage of pizza.

@SlipperySecret

I ran out of excuses to get out of family gatherings, so I moved out of state.

@SlipperySecret

I’m going to pretend you didn’t say that.

…because I don’t have time to get arrested today.

@SlipperySecret

Guy knocking on bathroom door after sex:
I think I love you.

Me stringing tampons together, making a rope to climb out the window:
Okay….