@Smooheed
*sees hot guy
*wiggles eyebrows
*licks lips
*winks, contact lens falls into coffee, sips coffee, gags on contact lens*mouths* “call me”
@Smooheed
@Smooheed
Me: it’s been a while since I did anything embarrassingly clumsy
Universe: give it time
@Smooheed
Yes beer, it’s definitely time to try out my karaoke skills on the front lawn again
@Smooheed
Nutritionist: Let’s identify those triggers that stop you from eating well, they could be subtle
M: I guess the main one is being awake
N:..
@Smooheed
It’s difficult to do a sassy walk away when you’ve tied your shoelaces together
I know this now
@Smooheed
You know it was a good party when the neighbor sends you a text to say they managed to get your bra off their roof
@Smooheed
The neighbor is having an open home
How long should I stand at my front door naked yelling at birds?
@Smooheed
Sometimes I think my toddlers are smart
Other times they throw tantrums because they get their fingers stuck
In their other hand
@Smooheed
Yeah but how many of you can say you’ve managed to get your head stuck in the strings of a piano
@Smooheed
Sneezing is a really good way of working out exactly how full your bladder is